Sadly, there haven’t been many entertaining entries of that sort lately. Is it because I’ve fallen into a monogamous rut, and stopped seeing many of my friends? Is it because my life is full from other activities that I don’t care to blog about?
I just don’t know. I guess what I learned is to associate myself with the positive people, and stay away from those who aren’t. Sometimes, I must have some friendship break-ups when the relationship with that person has gone from happy to stressful. (I had a friendship break up just last week). While blogging those stresses are cathartic, and entertaining, does that really justify going through them in the first place?
So, in my last friendship breakup, I broke up with a former friend, who initially intrigued me with his good looks. Sadly, good looks doesn’t compensate for a selfish personality. In the end, everytime I met him, I felt like he was taking advantage of my good will, generosity and time. The friendship effort I put in was not worth the friendship gained – because I did not enjoy being in his company. Similar to the guy who talked AT me, instead of TO me, this one was stingy, and did not provide fit any of the friendship requirements of good company, a caring shoulder, a listening ear or general friendship acts in general. But sadly, I gave good company, a listening ear and many other friendship benefits (like free climbing with free equipment rental, rides and social planning) which he often took advantage of. Many of my friends have complained about his selfish behaviour on the wall, general condescension towards others and arrogance of his climbing prowess (arrogance, not confidence) – but I let it all go because I thought he had a good heart (which I saw no sign of by the end).
Finally – every little act he did grated on my nerves. I could now recognize what my friends saw and I had glossed over. And being unable to stop seeing all this in every act made me especially bitchy and irritable in his company.
So I broke it off. He couldn’t believe that I did. He thought it was very selfish of me to continue looking for his flaws, but I told him that sometimes people are just plain incompatible, and I would probably always see him as selfish and always see him taking advantage of people. I would probably always be irritated and be bitchy to him from now on, because even on his good behaviour, I still couldn’t stand his company. Like some of my former high school acquaintances who cannot tolerate me now, I will live with their decision to see me as I was back then (even if I did change) and accept that lack of friendship. Why pretend to be nice, and create more inner stress to cater to some people?
Of course it’s selfish of me to look out for myself instead of tolerating him. But there are just some people who aren’t worth my time and effort – especially if I’ve already put that effort in with minimal return.
Von's Room ヴォンの部屋 